Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
