Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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