I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
