is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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