I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
