That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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