What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
