hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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