Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
