I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
either way he was missing a nipple.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
