ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
