dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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