she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
