Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!