I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.