i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.