Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
