i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
