No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
