I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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