She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
