apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
