I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just shotgunned beers for America
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
