I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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