Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
