She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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