Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
