You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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