2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize