Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
