No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
