Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
