i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
