...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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