Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
