I look better un-naked...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
