So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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