Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
