i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
