I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
