She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
