Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
