Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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