I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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