i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
