she pinky promised me she was 18
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
