I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
