i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
