I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
