You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Vodka?
Forever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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