I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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