I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
