Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
someone owes me an orgasm
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize