Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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