Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
