WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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