If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
