He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
