Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
