is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
