the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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