Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
