Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
