my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
