Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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