y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
