Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
