I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
