are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
