This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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