i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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