I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
