Everything about him screamed your future.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
