i just google imaged poop.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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