who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
