someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
