Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?