I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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