Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this