Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"