so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.