Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways