tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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