so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
