you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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